Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
