I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize