this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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