Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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