So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sext me about skeletons
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
