I wannas sexs uuuuu
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
