Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
