I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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