You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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