He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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