Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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