cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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