Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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