Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
