dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize