Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
