3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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