Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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