Having a random hookup so left but love u
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
