A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
