This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
