you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
