Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
