How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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