dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize