can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
