I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
