i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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