I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
