i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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