I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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