The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize