I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why is half of my head shaved?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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