she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
