Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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