you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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