he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
