How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
