sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You're completely useless in the revolution.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
