I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
