I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize