we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
