Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
