Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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