I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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