the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize