There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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