WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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