it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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