the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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