I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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