Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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