My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
