I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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