so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
