my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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