i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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