he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
