That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
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I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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