I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
