I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
